Ahem. *clears throat with a firm punch to the chest* AHEM!

Ughh. Fuck. So! Here I am at work, tripping on an assortment of various over-the-counter cold relievers and pain killers. My nose is running like a faucet, my chest feels like a spawn from Alien is about to burst through it, there's a giant gob of sticky phlegm in my throat, and the last thing I want is to be dealing with is people, let alone customers.

*hacks up an amorphous mass of green sludge*

Arghh. Well anyways, I guess you guys are kinda curious as to why I recently went AWOL, huh? An explanation for my absence from the world and more importantly, a reason for my lack of artistic productivity. Well it's a bit of a long story.

See, every so often, those of us who are plagued with chemical inbalances need time to ourselves because we periodically become socially unstable at inopportune times. When this happens, we tend to seclude ourselves from the world for a few weeks and return mostly refreshed. Mostly. This is more or less what happened to me. Shit got complicated and I needed time to sort everything out. I basically needed to re-evaluate my current position in life and get my shit together. It's that simple! Most of you out there understood that. Others however...

So in my leave of absence, a few things occurred. First, I got a raise and "promotion". I am currently the Assistant Manager at Radioshack. It's technically called "manager-in-training", but means basically the same thing. Dont get too excited though - this is only temporary. I will be leaving the wonderful world of Radioshack soon as I have acquired a job as a contracter with Maximum Steadycam at CNBC studios. Since it's an "as-needed" job right now, it will be a gradual transition, but at $20 an hour, I'll only need 25 hours a week to cover what I'm making at my current job. Half the hours, double the pay.

Other than that, life has been pretty normal considering chaos and madness are normal for me. Probably the most emotionally taxing occurance was having to cut ties from the past. As much as I will always have some level of respect for these people, the sepparation had to be made. When the influence of someone becomes too negative and emotionally draining, there is nothing left to be done but sever the connection. Some of these ties were cut long ago, but are now fully accepted and mourned after.

As for my lack of artistic productivity, there's not much I can say. I've rarely felt motivated to create and when I do, the output is less than appealing. With no professional or schoolastic training, I feel as though my skill is beginning to wane. I don't know when I will ever be able to go back, but until then I'll keep trying to produce something. Give me time. I know it's not completely lost, but it will take a lot of practice to get back to where I once was.

Anyways, that's where I am right now. Slowly I'm reaching out into the social world again by making connections with new friends and old. If I haven't reached out to you yet, just give me more time. Unless of course you are one of the people whom I've severed all ties permanently - which I would have clearly informed you of. I've dealt with most of the things on my mental "to-do" list, but still have a few more to go.

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In other news, check out these books:

Anthem - Ayn Rand
Thunder and Ashes - Z. A. Recht
Bone Music - Alan Rodgers
Psychic Self Defense - Dion Fortune (excellent occult reference)
The Somnambulist - Jonathan Barnes

As always, more to come...