Finally finished the AP Studio Art portfolio and just took the AP Art History exam today. It wasn't too bad. The multiple choice were pretty tough, but the essays were pretty simple. Now that I have that done, all I need to do is finish up my senior project and bullshit my way through the remaining 20 days of school. Hurray!

Other than that, things are pretty decent. Moving out in less than a month. I've been throwing out a lot of crap that I don't want/need. Completely rearranged my room too. Looks more like an office now, which is probably what it will end up to be once I'm gone. Also got a book case in the closet. Now it's less cluttered and my books aren't all over the floor. The feng shui is over all a lot better... (yeah I believe in that stuff, shut up )

The single life has been wonderful as well. I hope to stay this way as long as possible, but I'll probably end up finding someone at Kean (once I get around to finishing the application). I always seem to find people when I least want to. Serves me right for being so damn social I suppose.

Oh! I snatched myself another box of Survival Biscuits. Unlocked doors are a beautiful thing. All I need to do now is infiltrate my way into the bomb shelter and I will have explored every inch of my school.

Mrehh. I'm gonna go watch a few of the movies I got. 6 VHS's for $8 and 8 DVDs for $26 Full Metal Jacket, Chocolat, Dead Poets Society, Apocalypse Now, American History X, Silent Hill, Hellraiser 2, Citizen X, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Domino, History of Violence, 28 Days Later, and 2 others that I can't remember at the moment. Anyways...

Laters.

Hehe yay for happy noodle boy. Speaking of him, I tagged that loveable little spaz on the hood of Fred's car (With his permission of course). Photo soon to come

I've been drawing like a fiend lately in two of my new sketchbooks, but I haven't been able to upload and edit anything. The parental unit is getting even worse. Random people even come up to me saying, "Dude why isn't she in a home??" not really, I lied. But if she actually did leave the house except to buy food, I'm sure they would say that. Story time!

Last summer we were at Subway and she was flipping out about something and she stormed out while I was buying a soda. After she left, the woman behind the counter looked at me and said, "So that's your mother?" I say yes and she replies, "I'm sorry..." I laugh, give her a tip, and go back outside.

Anyway... I've been getting vague dreams about my biological parents. I feel a really strong connection with my father. I can't really explain it at all, but I know he's alive somewhere and when I find him I'm pretty sure there will be something there. I don't really know about my mother. I have a feeling she's just really, really busy, but is thinking about me more since I turn 18 in exactly 40 days.

Holy shit...

Megan walks in drenched in rain
Mother: So did you break someone else's heart?
Megan: Yep.
Mother: sigh Oh boy...
- End Scene -

Somehow or another I've managed to fuck over 3 people within the past month. Looking back now, I've done the same to others as well.

Why?

Well that's an answer that cannot be explained to anyone who has never experienced half of the trauma I've seen or at least known me for a very long time. My trust has been fucked up the ass multiple times by the people who would normally be considered my family. Not just "boo hoo mommy wouldn't let me go out to the show I was looking forward too", but acts that will completely tarnish your view of the world forever. Such acts have no redemption and leave massive fucking scars.

If I am to ever be with anyone, they must truly understand this. Period. So please people, do yourselves a major favor, and refrain from pursuing me at all costs. I want nothing. Friendships are always fine since that's the extent of my emotional capabilities, but other than that - hahahaha...

I feel sick.

Now redirecting every ounce of emotional energy into being artistically productive.

and peanut traces.

Hello there people. As you may have noticed, after a month long state of some kinda funky... state, I have actually become PRODUCTIVE. Woohoo!

And now I must go back to doing that productive thing, because period 6 is almost over

Back to work.. or...



Yeaaah..

48 days left!

Got the letter from Cooper Union.

Reeeeejected!

Heh. I actually smiled when I saw that. Everyone said I'd get in, but I never really let that get to my head. (The pessimist is never disappointed!) But it's all good. Now I can go to Kean, not have to pay 20k just to dorm, and rub it in their face when I get all famous and shit. I'm going to make something spiffy out of the rejection letter. Like what Andy Warhol did.

In other news, I went to the city last night and met Paul Booth at the Last Rites. He's really nice and incredibly talented. Seeing all of those paintings made me feel like my art was complete shit, but inspired me to paint all the more.

There are approximately 65 days left and counting. The parental unit is malfunctioning even more, knowing that I'll be gone sooner than she can cope with. As a result, her grip tightens and my desire to leave is only elevated further.

Oh well. Shit happens.

Other than that, things are going pretty well.