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About Me Member Procrastinator Megan McAllister19/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 3 Years
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Ignore the Smoke and Smile

Journal Entry: Mon Nov 16, 2009, 5:32 PM
Life is slowly starting to unfold. New friendships are blooming while others wither and die. And so continues the circle of social interraction.

Today while driving to work, I thought about a good friend I once had. How vibrant and colorful she was. Unlike anyone I've ever encountered before. I happened to look up at the sky and saw above me, a beautiful rainbow. If there was ever a perfect physical manifestation for her to return to this earth as, that would be it.

Rest peacefully Sara. We love you deeply and will cherish your memories in honor of the kindness you selflessly bestowed upon us. Never will I forget the warmth, safety, and unconditional compassion I felt in your embrace. The world always seemed brighter when you were around. Your absence has dulled the beauty in the passing days, but your rainbow inspired me to continue acknowledging the aesthetics in the mundane. The light in the absence of such. Thank you for everything, Sara. I'm grateful to know you are watching over us with the same peace and love you wished us while you walked among us. There will always be a place for you in my heart and I look forward to seeing you again. Love always, Meg.


Sigh.

Back in the realm of that which is Megan, there is good news. First, I am almost medication-free. I've weened myself down to 75mg from 300mg. I can see a tremendous difference in many things. Mainly the way I feel about things. While heavily medicated, the world seems very dull. Knowing that I was stable was enough to ignore that fact and I eventually forgot what it was like to really FEEL. Every emotion - bliss, joy, anger, sadness, etc - always felt hollow. Like it was a regulated response to a particular situation. Many times I wouldn't feel anything at all. Emotion now has so much more depth. I'm not in any way falling back into that dismal state of my past. I'm not an emotional wreck. My emotions just feel more real.

That's all for now.

  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: A Perfect Circle
  • Reading: The Hive: The Story of the Honeybee and Us
  • Watching: Dead leaves in the wind

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Forever wandering off the beaten path.

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Dirty Jer-Z
  • Interests: A little bit of damn near everything
  • Favourite movie: Big Fish, Evil Dead 2, Amelie, Nosferatu, hundreds more...
  • Favourite band or musician: Acid Bath, VNV Nation, Down, Nothingface, deadboy & the Elephantmen
  • Favourite genre of music: Everything from Stravinsky to GG Allin & the Murder Junkies
  • Favourite artist: Vasquez, Dore, Goya, Giger, Mars, Booth, Van Eyck, Close, Kuksi, Dagsson!, so many more...
  • Favourite poet or writer: H.P. Lovecraft, Charles Baudelaire, Margaret Atwood, Ralph Peters, Ayn Rand
  • Favourite photographer: Stephen Peirce! =)
  • Favourite style of art: Anything resembling a trace of talent or in some way thought provoking
  • Operating System: Windows XP or Ubuntu.
  • MP3 player of choice: iPod Classic 80/160 gb
  • Favourite gaming platform: PC, xbox 360, ps3
  • Favourite cartoon character: Howard Roark (though not a cartoon)
  • Personal Quote: Victory Not Vengeance
  • Tools of the Trade: Anything and everything

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Comments


:iconpurebloodbeauty:
Thank you for the fav and comments, darling. Cheers!

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Simon: Just lighting candles for baby Jesus.
Phil: Your people killed him.
Simon: I have no regrets. He deserved it.
Bill: Merry Christmas everybody...
:icongrandeombre:
Thanks for the watch!:)

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my photo account: [link]
:iconfourbrokenwindows:
I know, I adore Dax Riggs. :) Thank you for the comment.

Pretty nifty stuff you have here as well. :D
:iconmynameisswann:
Thank you very much for the fave! :)

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Hey, dog entity! Rise up and bare your biscuit filthy fangs at the oppressive leash wielding demon!! G**damn my navel itches!!
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:iconghostrider-in-ze-sky:
Hey, thank you for the watch and comments :D

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Cḩaos and c̕asualt̕y҉ bo͠t̡h́ be̷ref͠t
͝ẃit̕h̸ or͢d̀er͏ wi̕th̴out͟ cha̷os th҉e͏r͡e i̛s n͠o ͞order ļe̶ft̛
:icontadashichizoko:
and sorry for the double post lol I had a typo in the first one

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STICKING FEATHERS IN YOUR ASS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A CHICKEN.
:icontadashichizoko:
thank you for the comment :D you have an awesome taste in music btw

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STICKING FEATHERS IN YOUR ASS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A CHICKEN.
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